Monday, January 26, 2015

Imperfections Shadowed by the Heart

I always hear these sayings about how everyone needs to "be themselves". You need to be boldly you. If this is true, why do I keep getting the impression that I am so different and it is a bad thing? I am being myself boldly. I am not letting others say who I should be, I am independent and just being me. So why do I keep being told I am doing it wrong?

Apparently, I am not being the "right me" to fit their grid. I like too many action movies. I dress too thrifty. I don't wear make up everyday I leave the house. I don't enjoy romances in stories. I still play with toys. I love Disney Princesses, but I also love Star Wars and The Lord of the Rings. 

Well, I learned these all do not fit the bill for "being myself". Why must people put others down for not being exactly like them? I am so guilty of judging from the outside, not taking the time to dig deeper and know who these people are. Push forward to look at other's hearts. So many people are judged by what everyone sees on the outside. Why can't we start judging by who people really are on the inside? 

For God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but
 the Lord looks at the heart.
 1 Samuel 16:7b

Other people can judge us for not being like them. There will always be people in this world that we are not like. They may see us as strange or imperfect. Through it all, we must press on knowing that there is someone who understands us. He sees who we really are. He loves the person underneath the imperfections. He can see past it all. 
The outward appearance means nothing to the one who fashions hearts.


Wednesday, January 21, 2015


So, I was recently realizing just how much music I listen to. I find one music group, listen to
every song on the internet by them, then move from there, obsessing. I am always finding something new to play on repeat. Well, Superchick is nothing new, obviously, but I recently found one of their songs I had not noticed before.

Listening to it was difficult, as I felt the wait of everything it spoke, true in my life. Not an overly emotional type, but when things hit that close to home, I can't help but cry. I was certainly moved by it, and brought peace and comfort knowing I am not along in my trials and battles. My Jesus is their always, and He will carry me through. Even if it means to crawl. 

Crawl (Carry Me Through), Superchick 

What did you think? Any encouraging songs you have heard lately? Love to hear about them!


Wednesday, January 14, 2015


I feel like I keep missing the point of everything. It's like I finally learn things I should have learned at ten. Ready for it..... I think I have finally fully understood how important family is.

Yeah, I am behind. Family has always been important to me, I was always sure I was dedicated enough to it. I guess is was just recently that I came to fully understanding how much I really need my family. I don't know what I would do without them. Like I said, I'm sure everyone learned this long ago. But I guess I just had to learn it the hard way. 

Last Christmas season, life felt perfect. I had lots of friends, plenty of time, awesome grades, and everything else I thought I could want. I failed to see my great need for my family. Then, in a matter of weeks it all changed. Everything seemed to be falling apart around me. I was feeling depressed. I rarely saw my friends, my school started failing miserably, I felt like I had to squeeze in time for anything. I hid all of my hurts and frustrations, I didn't really know why, I just didn't want to tell anyone about them. Loneliness was setting in as the weeks went by.

Then it hit me. A pretty pathetic realization. I was living with a family of ten kids, and I was lonely. What on earth was the mater with me? I was failing to even appreciate the friends God had put right into my life from birth. I was ashamed of myself. All these years of waisting the time I could have spent with them.  

Through all the struggles I have had this past year, I thank God for all of them. Without the struggle I never would have discovered my great need for family. Through the weakest moments of my life, God reveals just how beautiful the best moments are. In our weakness He is strong. 

Those moments when we are all just one big mess, he likes to throw in a random movie night with the little siblings. A random Starbucks outing with my big sister. A random time in my top bunk with my other sister. A random read aloud time with the baby brothers. A random light saber duel with a toddler brother.

Decorating Star Wars cookies

Ice cream outing

Carousal ride

Brother time

Life is most beautiful, when it isn't perfect. When I can fully appreciate the little things. 


Thursday, January 8, 2015

child like faith

I love kids. Maybe it's because I grew up in a family with ten of them. Maybe it's because I never
wanted to grow up and I always want to be a kid again. Whatever the reason, I just love them. They fascinate me. I will say something, not expecting any of them to catch it, and before you know it, they have all gone off on a large in-depth conversation on the subject. I am telling you, they are fast, and they hear everything.

What I love the most about them, is their faith. I want it so bad. I want to go back to the time when I had a strong faith that I would laugh at someone for doubting my Jesus' power. I want that faith again. The faith to stand against crowds, countries, the world, believing in my Jesus'. That is a faith beyond any I have ever seen. Their faith is this strong tower, undefiled by the thoughts and words of the world. It stands strong. 

I pray for that faith again. I want it back, I want the worries of the world to be forgotten as they were before. I want a child like faith.