Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Growing up: A Combination of Fear and Excitement

Please raise your hand if you have ever had an extreme fear of growing up. My hand is up. It used to never be this way. I remember at twelve anticipating being an adult, I was just dying to be able to drive, get married, and have more responsibilities. Yeah, I was the type of kid who could't understand at all when others talked about wanting to be a kid again. Things are starting to make a lot of sense. I am sure everyone has already come to these realizations, but silly little me took a while to figure it out.
Me and my oldest sister Amy

  I am going to be sixteen in two months. Everyone says, it's only sixteen, don't freak out. I am just panicking at the thought of having to get my drivers license. I don't want to have more responsibilities already, I want to go back and be ten again. Play with Legos and dolls, doodle in my free time, and read fiction. I understand I can still do a lot of these in small amounts, but not without a little guilt as a remember the looming list of responsibilities.

  Why can't I be as confident as I was when I was twelve? I was so determined and set, I knew what I wanted to do when I was grown.
I was already planning and scheduling out what I would do. I had it all figured out. And some how it's not that way anymore. I really don't know why. It's like I got this wave of sudden fear as my time as a kid started running out. 

  Well here I am, turning sixteen soon, and just wishing I had six years of my life back. Life was so simple, not fogged with complications. 

Well, where do you go from here? 

I decide to love my life. The responsibilities and frustrations, the lists of things to do, the crazy busy schedules. Put aside the childish things, yes. But that does not cancel out play time with siblings. I have found such great joy in playing with my siblings. Just feeling young again and letting go, forgetting my problems and issues as I sit down to build Legos with my brother. Dropping the looming list for five minutes to finish dressing a doll for my sister. It has brought me such joy. It has helped me handle my responsibilities well, while still enjoying the little things in life.

I have never felt a better bond with my younger siblings before now. I can understand being in their shoes. We can relate with each other even with a large age gap. 

So growing up isn't as scary anymore. My little siblings are my best friends. I have two awesome older sisters who have gone before me, always ready to give me advice. My parents are always there for me, they are ready to help me and have supported me greatly with any of my hopes or dreams.

Growing up is just another part of life. Everyone says it, but I'm not sure all kids get it right away. I sure didn't. But I'm glad I finally do.



  1. It sounds to me like you have a pretty good grasp of things, even at 16. Just keep pressing onward girlie.
    Mrs. W

  2. As I was reading your post and thinking "That's funny, because I was the other kid. The one wishing to be like Peter Pan and never grow up. But now that I'm older I've finally stopped looking behind and started looking ahead, and now I'm excited to be growing up, because I now see that my life isn't ending, but beginning." Then, I read that you are 16, and I was like, "Ohhh!"

    It's been 3 years since I was 16, and I vividly remember my horror of learning to drive, wanting to go back to 12, (but not really, because I liked the little bit of wisdom each year of my life brings) the shock, (just yesterday I was 10 years old!) the dread of responsibilities unfathomable, feeling like my life was ending, and being torn between childhood and looming, terrifying ADULTHOOD. Just so you know, I SURVIVED! The Lord has been with me every step, (or I'd be flat on my face!) and I've discovered that as fast as the years seem to fly, growing up still doesn't happen all at once, and when it finally does, I'll be far more prepared than when I was sixteen. Now I embrace growing up, because I have dreams and hope for the future, and because I've learned that I don't have to know EVERYTHING. (I'm not the the ONLY one who doesn't know what they're doing!)


Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts!