I had a recent realization. I am no ordinary human. I'm kinda special, and special can mean a lot of good and bad things. I am pretty different. I am sort of random. I don't fit in anyone's box. I had been trying. I really wanted to fit in a box, that would have been refreshing. Being able to fit in like everyone else, stay in everyone's lines and keep them all happy. But, that is just not who I am.
I tend to be the challenger. I never go with one idea, even when people tell me there is no way, I still have to find out for myself.
I tend to be a thinker. Not that everyone does not think, it's just that I do it on a much higher scale. It may be unhealthy in fact, my brain refuses to allow my mind to pass up something to think about, no matter who small it may be.
I tend to be bold. Many who meet me think at first glance I am a pretty quiet subdued girl who writes books and reads in her free time. After one hour with me they soon learn I can be quite honest and bold, strong in my opinion while also open to hearing other sides. I am not afraid to share who I am with others.
God has taught me, to stop hiding in the dark. I keep drawing back from who I am, trying to stay in everyone's boxes, and please them all. Keep up to their standards of fashion, their standard of popular, their standards of right.
A thought struck me. I will never reach their standards.
No matter how hard I try, I will never reach it. You know why? Because in my heart, I don't want to. Oh sure I could manipulate my wardrobe and dress the way they want me to, I could change my conversations to linger around the things they enjoying hearing, I could keep in their boundaries of what movies to watch and books to read. I could do all of that. But in my heart, I never want to.
Everyday that I struggle to meet everyone else standards, I seem to forget to listen to that voice inside saying, "But why? You love the person you really are, not the fake imitation you make up to please them."
Everyone says it, few do it. Be yourself. Don't try to imitate.