I struggle with trust. Yes, trust issues over here. The hardest thing is that I analysis my life to figure out why, and I can't seem to find a good enough reason for them. But here I am, always in fear of being let down by people. Always holding them at a distant, afraid of who will turn their back on me.
I learned a valuable lesson this week. Stepping out in faith. Trusting people.
Meeting new people has never been an easy thing for me. I went on a trip this week for a convention, and my whole family hoped I would make some friends. I secretly doubted I would. Few people who meet me ever stay and want to be my friend. So, I was already setting myself up for not getting to know anyone. I was afraid.
The week opens up, I introduce myself to many girls, hoping to stay shallow and not grow close to anyone. I didn't want friends, I was done being failed. At the convention they split all of us up into groups for the evening. Me along with seven other girls huddled on the floor with our group leaders to have some deep meaningful conversations. immediately my sirens start blaring in my head. Deep conversations would lead to me having to trust them, put faith in these girls. I would be expected to share my heart with them.
I sent up silent prayers to God, "Lord, you know I feel like I can't do this. So, you're going to have to take this. I give up. Have it all. Here I go." Taking a deep breath, I did it. I opened up. I stopped holding back. I shared my heart, putting trust in these girls to care about me and want to help me.
Guess what? They did care. Their hearts were soft and longing to care for me. They wanted to help me, they wanted to pray for me. I wanted to melt. These girls cared. I had let go and found peace in Christ, giving over my anxious fears.
Am I saying we should trust everyone? Of course not, but we can't hold back all our trust. Life requires us to trust people. For those of us who have been burned for putting trust in others, we wish their was some way we could get by in life never trusting.
Trusting people can some times feel like walking off the roof of a skyscraper. But guess what? That's why Jesus is by our side. We can rest out trust in Him to protect us, as we step out in wild faith. He is there for us.
Do struggle with trust?